Still waiting on my Academy Award nominations for…

1. BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE for convincingly delivering the line, “I’m sorry, but we don’t have the right batteries for that toy.” 2. BEST ART DIRECTION for supervision of toddler Play-Doh sessions without intervening as all the colors are mashed into a single blob. 3. BEST MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG) for the riveting potty training hit You Gotta Push, Push, Push Your Pee Pee … Continue reading Still waiting on my Academy Award nominations for…

A Prayer of Thanks for an Aging Body

Thank you, Lord, for the ache in my neckwhich pops up now and thenafter a night of restlike a broken jack-in-the-boxthat’s missed its cue.That is, thank you for the painand how its presenceilluminates its absenceelsewhere. I give thanks for this brainwhich used to fetch me such good marks in school (the best in the class, notthat you asked). That is, thank you for the humilityI wear like a … Continue reading A Prayer of Thanks for an Aging Body

ChatGPT Writes Grandma’s Resume for The Golden Bachelor (and I have some notes)

Background:A woman born in 1933, I am a dedicated mother of six wonderful children and a proud grandmother to ten loving grandchildren. My life has been enriched by the joys and challenges of a large, close-knit family. Interests: Why I Want to Join “The Golden Bachelor”: I believe life is a continuous journey of discovery and connection. Having experienced the beauty of family, faith, and … Continue reading ChatGPT Writes Grandma’s Resume for The Golden Bachelor (and I have some notes)

Sweet Tooth

Once, after nap time, I found half of a cherry Blow Pop stuckto my son’s bed sheets.His fingers and chin glistened, stickywith sugar, bright with the color of joy. His toddler lips were garish, as though an unsteady handapplied lipstick to them in the dark.He’d always had a weakness forthe saccharine, pilfering treats and leaving the evidence behind:a cache of candy wrappers in his closet,cookie crumb trails on the … Continue reading Sweet Tooth

Growth

The sunflower seeds were a Mother’s Day gift, handed to me just weeks before our cross-country move. My son’s kindergarten teacher, anticipating our road trip, sent the unopened packet of seeds home rather than having them planted in soil. “You can take them with you and plant them when you get there,” she said. But in the craziness of moving across three time zones with three young kids, a dog, etc., we forgot to plant them. One year later, I spotted the seeds in the refrigerator door, where I had stashed them in the hopes that they’d last longer. I found an empty pot in the garage and a small bag of potting soil, and poked a single seed into the crumbs of dirt. Continue reading Growth

Are you Room Parent Material?

It’s that time of year: recruitment! No, not the kind you’ve seen on RushTok, but recruitment for Room Parents! Take our quiz to see if you have what it takes to be the ultimate Room Parent. If you answered… …mostly a: You are prime Room Parent material. The only question left: Why haven’t you signed up yet?! …mostly b: Err…maybe you can help out on … Continue reading Are you Room Parent Material?

How to Talk to Your High School Crush

1. Accept that the hot senior/star varsity basketball player does not know you exist. (Even his dad, your actual math teacher, couldn’t remember your name at parent-teacher conferences.) Read Jane Austen novels to deal with your disappointment; undergo a comprehensive study of the term unrequited. 2. Go to cheerleading practice after school as usual. Clap, chant, and jump in the yellow lighting of the gymnasium … Continue reading How to Talk to Your High School Crush

What I really want for my birthday this year

to sleep in past 6:03 a.m. cake for breakfast to finish my iced coffee before the ice melts a day free of ads for wrinkle serums and smoothers common sense gun legislation new jeans that fit without having to try them on first for someone else to potty train my toddler to lip sync battle with Paul Rudd dinner I didn’t cook a summer without … Continue reading What I really want for my birthday this year