Why can’t I sleep?

Because I forgot to move a load of laundry to the dryer. Because I hear footsteps on the stairs. Because the six-year-old has aching shins–growing pains, again. Because there’s been another shooting in another school.

Because teenagers are tossing toilet paper into the neighbor’s trees. Because my husband’s CPAP mask has shifted. Because the dog is snoring. Because I need to list all the reasons God must exist. Because I need to schedule a dental cleaning for the dog. Because the kids need to get their teeth cleaned, too. Because I forgot to pack the kids’ lunches, to let the dog out before bed, to lock the doors.

Because I want to read one more chapter. Because the sale ends at midnight. Because I had that second latte too late in the day. Because we need to RSVP for that party. Because we need to buy a birthday gift. Because I think the library books might be overdue. Because my neck hurts, for no reason. Because I have to pee but refuse to get out from under the warm covers. Because there aren’t enough pillows to get comfortable. Because I can’t remember where I put that receipt.

Because I can’t be sure I closed the garage door. Because the wind is really whipping out there. Because I think I heard the trash cans blow over. Because I need to check our insurance policy to make sure it covers fallen trees on the roof.

Because I think I might be wasting my life. Because I have a touch of indigestion. Because there are people dying of hunger. 

Because my brain is full.
Because my back aches.
Because my heart hurts.
Because my heart breaks.
Because it’s hard to breathe.
Because my heart beats.

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series “A Question”.

Looking for more stories about motherhood, military life, and finding beauty in sacred/ordinary moments? Subscribe to my newsletter, Late to the Party. Every couple of months, you’ll receive a short note from me, some personal recommendations, and a journal prompt.

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